i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Im part way to drunk.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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