I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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