I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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