You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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