i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
