It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
