is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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