Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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