shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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