every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
