He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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