He had one of those small greek statue penises
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
