last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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