I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
he wants to bone in the snuggie
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
