Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
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