I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
