i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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