i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
