Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
