update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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