When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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