PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
