I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
