Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
