1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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