bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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