so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
