im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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