Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
