i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize