just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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