Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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