The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
They took my balls.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
