As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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