His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
