There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Why did my mother make you get naked?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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