The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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