Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
