My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
