omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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