The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize