Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Randomize
