I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
