i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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