I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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