: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
