: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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