Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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