Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
