His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
