a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
