the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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