There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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