In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
