YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
If that was your dad, he is hot
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
