all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
