but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
