I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize