you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize
