So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
