She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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