I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
