susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
