someone threw a dead crab at me
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
