I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize