He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
