I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
