Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
