The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
