Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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