the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
