We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
