Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
