I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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