Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Randomize
