he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
