You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I have grass duct taped all over my body
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
