so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize