I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize