Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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