this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
