I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Randomize
