It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
So much Jack, so little girl.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
