I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
