I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
