In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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