google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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