He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
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