I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
