The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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