weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize