were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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