It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
She just used a chaser for red wine.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
