Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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