How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
