Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
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