i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
