RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
