lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
