Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
