his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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