I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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