Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize