Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
