My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
His nipple licking is glorious
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