totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Randomize
