It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
