I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
