Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
