Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
