I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
All I want is dick and wine.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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