Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
