It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
